Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
