My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drake has all the answers
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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