Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
