Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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