Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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