Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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