my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
