Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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