I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize