I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
