oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize