i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
