When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
