How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize