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It's Friday. Sex?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
