My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
