I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
