He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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