Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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