I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
