so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
