can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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