She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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