Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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