I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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