I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think my moral compass just broke
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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