weddingsv make me drug and hornr
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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