Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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