too bad you live with your parents still
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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