Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
