He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
