Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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