I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
