Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
