its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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