sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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