Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Still dying that you shit outside
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
