I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
