Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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