suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
