he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
