ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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