for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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