Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
