dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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