apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
