we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize