I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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