I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think my vagina is haunted
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize