Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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