He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
