k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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