I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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