Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
