now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
