broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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