Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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