Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
