I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
