I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
