Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
