sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
