I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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