You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
