so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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