Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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