Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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