party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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