Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
