hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
