porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
