i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
