That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Can Purell be used as lube?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Randomize