Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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