dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
