I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize