So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
