i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
