So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
