I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
