Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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