Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
