Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
