so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
