too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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