on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
