I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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