Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
