I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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