Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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