my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
BRING THE BAGELS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
