Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize