We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
