a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
