I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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