some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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