On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
