I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize