i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my being single is dangerous.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
