i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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